What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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