Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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