so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
