Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
