the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He told me they were just razor bumps!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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