He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
