Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
