I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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