I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
