Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
