Got a toothbrush?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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