dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
