I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I AM VODKA MAN
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
