nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
