i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My vagina just recognized that song.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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