I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
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He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have started to decorate penises.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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