Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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