Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
