Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
