Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
