whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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