I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
