I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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