I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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