i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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