K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
