The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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