i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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