he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
