I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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