Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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