it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Help. Why am I so naked?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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