OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
high people should be assigned attendants
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
