Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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