I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
