I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
