I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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