She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
