So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
