i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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