I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Congratulations! We have a period
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