My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Randomize
