I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
