he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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