im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
