I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
