How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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