yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
