one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Randomize
