There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
