he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
