Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
