Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
if only i could text you this smell
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
