You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
