You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
