It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
