i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
