so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
