once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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