You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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