grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
