Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
