Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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