I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
