I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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