i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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