i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
