Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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