Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
pop tarts are not kleenex
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
