she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
