she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
