problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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