I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
