By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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