Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
