I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
