gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My penis needs a shock collar
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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