did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
